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or Sit Down, Shut Up & Learn Something

I first starting writing in my leather journal decades ago, but would only scribble cryptic thoughts that would come to mind. When I took a look at it years later, it occurred to me why I didn’t put it these thoughts in a coherent format and maybe even in novel form. For whatever reason - I’m glad it took me this long to write this book.

As I write, I want you to know, I am a newbie to the publishing world and know nothing of the industry. I am not a writer by trade, but feel like I have something to say. Also, this book came about from necessity, and the writing process for me has been very arduous, time consuming and definitely a ton of work. I would not call myself an “Author” and certainly not a writer for the love of it. I had to figure a few things out about myself, try to make some money to support my family and that is how this idea of writing a book was born.

Over the years, and especially in this last decade, I have grown immensely as a person. The one thing I’ve learned over the years, is there is no substitute for experience. When I was in my late teens and early 20’s, I thought I knew everything much like every other female at that age. In reality, I did not have a clue what was going on around me. I also believe everything happens for a reason. We are where we are, doing what we are doing, at that point in time, as it should be. One thing hasn’t changed, I am still a student in all aspects of my life. I’m constantly seeking to improve upon the things I know and more importantly, don’t know. I will always continue to learn. With that being said, I feel I have amassed enough knowledge, to write this book, because life has its own timing.

I’ve always been opinionated, as I was brought up to speak my mind and engage in discussions. I am not someone who minces words or appeases others to feel better. That actually is a disservice to others, as honesty peppered with kindness is constructive. When I was younger, I gave my opinion - even when it was not asked for. I felt I had an answer to the question no one asked, or did not want to ask or say out loud. I learned in my 30s, this can be off-putting to others. I’ve tried to temper it over time and also take a softer approach in consideration of others. I started to look at life with more empathy, I tried hard to consider what others were going through and why. I also tried not to give my opinion unless it was asked for - but sometimes, I just couldn’t help myself!

For the sake of this book, I am actually going to fall back upon the bluntness with which I spoke in my 20s and 30s. At times my language may feel as if I’m getting in-your-face, but please understand it serves an important purpose, and it is not meant to be insulting. I will even use course and graphic language, but will try to speak with determination. I’m just going to put it out there, to say it out loud and then you can decide what to do with the information, and if my opinion has value.

My gut reaction was to write in response to all the books out there, which tell females how to act in order find the right man. Two works in particular that I wanted to address are “He’s Just Not That Into You”, and “Act Like A Lady ~ Think Like A Man”. Although my book, is not a critique of these works, I still will reference them and give my opinion. I want it to be clear that I hold no malice, ill will or animosity towards the authors of these two books. I know they were just trying to help, after all they are just men and they will write from the male perspective. It is always about them and how we need to change. Just as our perspective is female, but I believe our views are not as egocentric.

As females, we are trained from the time we are tiny to be a certain way, when it comes to our men, which is reflected in their titles and writing. My preconceived notions based on the titles, before reading them, is they do not speak to men about how to be good men, in order to attract a good female. As usual, the title reflects what we as females, have to change for the men in our lives. By bringing these two best sellers into focus, from a females’ point of view, my goal is to create a discussion. I believe talking about who we are as females and how we are trained to act, is the only way change can come about. The type of change we want and the equality we seek. If we look upon ourselves through our own looking glass, and change the way we look at ourselves from within, only then those generations after us will have a chance to continue to grow in a positive way, which reflects equality for all, including females. Then, the male egocentric tone of these self-help books, for women concerning men, will change. Why? Because we have changed, not only as people, but what we expect, and will or will not tolerate from men and society.

This is the point of my book. It is a female, telling us to buck up and do something! What I’m proposing is we open our eyes to our strengths, our intuition, our purpose and put aside all the rhetoric of what we need to do for men, to get or keep a man. It’s time for us to realize our strength and ability to sustain in the face of hardship. We need to stand up for each other and especially those who lack the strength or ability to stand up for themselves.

We all live our own lives, seeing the world around us with our own experiences. This is a fact - everyone sees things differently. There could be an accident that six people saw while driving down the road, and each one of them will give a different account of what they saw. We each have a unique point of view. So, instead of taking my original idea to write a book, and it be a critical view of “He’s Just Not That Into You” or “Act Like A Lady ~ Think Like A Man”, this book has now evolved into something much more. This book is written from my point of view; which has been formed through my own life experiences as a female.

Some of you will agree with things I say, some of you will become very upset, some will get angry, while some will laugh. But hear me out … I want something better for you, as one female to another. Those who are angered, I ask that you open yourself up and see if you are pissed at me or yourself… Is it because you see yourself in that stereotype and want something better?

Believe me when I say, I know not all females are good females: some females are vicious, hateful, manipulative and bitter human beings. Females can be just as corrupt and evil as any man. There is no gentrification when it comes to bad behavior, as it comes down to a choice in who you want to be. I do not live in a fantasy world and understand if one has no desire to change, then they will not.

Bottom line, we still live in a very patriarchal society and world, even in the United States of America. Let’s face it ladies, the glass ceiling has been replaced with plastic. It may seem as if we have broken through, but generationally we have only created traction, and now we need to gain momentum. Though this new type of ceiling is more flexible, we still don’t possess the same choices, opportunities or equal pay as men, throughout the world. But who’s holding us back? Is it men?

Just some stats I came across to drive home my point of inequality between men and women, from TIME MAGAZINE, July 7th Edition 2017. Females in leadership roles in the technology industry which has been the most progressive and fastest growing industry for decades. Pay attention to the word “progressive” while reading these stats:

~ Females in the workforce 47% (almost half)

~ Females in leadership roles in:

                TWITTER 30%
                Apple 28%
                Facebook 27%
                Google 24%
                Uber 22%
                Microsoft 18%

We as females should emulate those characteristics of forward thinking companies that embrace women, rather than just nod at us. We should negate those actions, by men, who try to “keep us in our place”, or decide we are too emotional for the job. Based on these statistics above, there is still a lot of work to do, for females in the workforce. As more of us come into power, the perspective of this inequality will be attacked in many ways, covertly and overtly. Maybe after reading this book, something can be done to correct the wrongs not only men have bestowed upon us, but by the prisons and limitations we create of our own.

Without realizing it we have always held the purse strings, so we have the ability to dictate what will work in marketplace through demand, which dictates supply. We can absolutely change the way businesses conduct themselves now, for future generations and how they treat their people who work for them, especially females. We think generationally, not by quarterly profits. We think environmentally and not short-term annual gains, where the payment of penalties for illegal or harmful activities in the market, is part of the cost of doing business. We, for the most part, decide what we buy and do not buy for our household, our clothes, our food, the education of our children, what we put on our bodies and what we do to our bodies. With the ability to make all of these decisions, comes great power that has been untapped by our current status. Every year, more and more females are rising to positions of power. The advancement of one female, is an advancement for us all and breaks the barrier to live freely as women, even more. When we change how we treat ourselves, we force others to change how they treat us. The power lies within us, it always has.

My goal is to create a way of thinking where we are cognizant and in control of our destiny. To create a means for us to understand one another as females and that we are not enemies. When we compete in a dysfunctional way with each other, we waste valuable time and energy. Energy which could be put to better use if we unite, even if we only all agree, to just agree, on the basics, whatever we choose those basics to be. There is no reason for us to tear each other down to get ahead, or morph into something we are not. We do not need to listen to the marketing machine which tries to force us into a false sense of "insecurity". That if we do not look young or smooth enough, we need to cover our faces, buy stupid expensive shoes and bags, put foreign objects in our body and buy all sorts of creams. Stating that we are less than if we don’t cut this, fill this up, plump over there, colour it, pull it, move it, burn it, this means we are not desirable.

One thing we must not forget, is to acknowledge and give respect to those females who came before us, who fought for the rights we take for granted now. Those who gave everything to make our lives better, free and to be able to make our own choices. Those females who sacrificed everything, who left their homelands with nothing, then came to America in order to give their children a better life. Those females who literally gave up their lives, as in DIED, in order for us to have a better life and the same rights as any man. We must honor them in a way that thanks them for their sacrifices, and we must continue to “STAND UP”. The war is not over and there are still battles to be won.

The way this book is written, there are 2 major sections: GIRLZ 2.0 ~ PART ONE then GIRLZ 2.0 ~ PART TWO. Part One dives into stereotypes, both men and women. How we are treated in the marketplace and workplace, how we treat ourselves and each other. How solid relationships are formed (in my opinion), how we as women are in control and responsible for our own happiness, career and choices we make. It also includes a section on our own individual beauty, as this is the first thing every woman is judged on. How we are ripped off consistently by the beauty and fashions industries with false advertisement and branding. But we allow it, do we not?  If so, then we are also the solution. This first section can be a novel, just by itself.

With that said, I knew I only had one chance, and one chance only at this. So, I wanted to also speak to the hard truths of women in the United States and abroad. PART TWO, I removed and added back in, at least a dozen times. I finally decided to keep it, as I think it does need to be said out loud, in all its brutality and honesty. It is very uncomfortable and graphic, but I believe it to be hard truths about us and the society we live in. Even as controversial as it may be, it needed to be said. I found it was necessary if we are really going to take a look at ourselves, put aside petty differences and unite. My goal, is that we as women become so outraged, we are forced to change and then become change agents.

We are at a very important time in women’s history, a true tipping point, where change between the genders and those in power can happen in less than a generation. I would like the next 100 years to be the “Golden Time of Women” and the next century the “Golden Age of Women”. I want all the men to move over (or we can push them over) and let us be in the driver’s seat. Let’s see how things change in the geopolitical and socioeconomic landscape with us, females, in all the power positions. But, in order for this change, in our American culture to occur, I needed to rally the troops, all you females, into action. I did not want to miss a golden opportunity, to be a voice.

If you are not outraged into action by the time you finish reading my book, if you are not just pissed off at yourself and those around you, who have misjudged you, treated you poorly and used you. If you are not just soooo over men telling women what to do and how to be, then I really do not know what to say except…

or Sit Down,

Shut Up and Learn Something

So, I guess it is time to begin. It will be up to you to let me know what to do next…